Surrendered Dreams

I've been busy, so it's almost been a week since my last post. Sorry about that. To make up for it, I will attempt to write a long, rambling post about what God's been doing in my life and in my family.

We have been trying to find some reward to help Will wake up dry in the mornings. Since he loves TV so much, we thought that might be a good reward. We had limited TV to weekends only but decided that he could watch one kid's show on PBS each day if he woke up dry that morning. That seemed to help some with the waking up dry but we found that he was constantly asking to watch more and whining and complaining when he did not get it.

In the middle of last week, there were a couple of days where Stephanie was not feeling well and so let the boys watch TV pretty much all day while she lay down. At lunch and supper times, he did not willingly leave his love and only did so with much complaining. We also noticed that he was saying things, such as telling Ben he was "going to knock your head off", that were definitely not good.

We decided that this was not a good thing and we needed to nip it in the bud. So we decided he should go cold turkey and not be permitted to watch TV for a few days until he was able to change his attitude and be grateful for the time he was permitted to watch. We began the deprogramming on Thursday or Friday.

On Friday evening and Saturday Stephanie had planned for she and I to attend a homeschooling conference by a Christian family, the Maxwell's, as we are planning on homeschooling the kids. See their Titus2.com web site for more information. I have to confess, I was not really wanting to go to the conference. A homeschooling conference sounded pretty dull and boring to me.

Now I am glad that we went; it was definitely used by God. It turned out to be different than either of us expected. The conference did not really revolve around homeschooling. It was really more about being a Christ-centered family, who home school. God and His Word were the center of what they were sharing, which is what they do and what they've learn from their experiences. We had a babysitter for both days. Here's an outline of the conference with the major points and impact on my life.

Friday

1. The first session was a blue grass praise and worship session, led by the Maxwell's. Steve and Teri have 8 children, seven of whom were with them. They all play instruments. My favorite were the hammer dulcimer and the mandolin. They sang such songs as "Mercy there was Great" and "Just a little talk with Jesus". It was toe-tapping praise'n.
2. The second session was "The Homeschooling Family: Building a Vision".
   
• I was challenged to take my role as the spiritual leader of the family seriously.
  
• We were challenged to come up with a vision statement for our family and to come up with goals for our family and each of the children.
  
• As a result, I will be leading Stephanie and I to pray together every day, to develop a vision statement for our family and to develop 1-year, 5-year and 10-year goals for our family and for each child. The plan is to do this once a year.
  

Saturday

1. The first session split the men and women into their own sessions. The men's had to do with family devotions.
• Am I having a daily quiet time? Where the father goes, so goes the children.
• As dads, and moms, we plant seeds in our children's lives with every decision we make.
• Dads are responsible to God for the spiritual welfare of our families.
• Anger and harshness may work to get obedience but they are sin and don't capture our children's hearts.
• Now is the time. I must be intentional and serious about leading my family. My spiritual growth is not enough, I must be as concerned with my family's spiritual growth.
• We spend a lot of time and money to feed the flesh, which will pass away. How much time do we spend feeding our spirit, which will last for an eternity?
• Spiritual leadership is 99% commitment and 1% formulas.
• Find the right place and time, and set the right expectations.
• Be enthusiastic. Be inflexible about having family devotions. Be committed and persevere.
• Get rid of the TV.
• As a result, I have started reading the Bible to the boys every night. Previously, it was hit or miss. I'm also going to work fairly quickly toward having a family devotions after supper. I just need to figure out a format. At this point in the conference, I also felt God working on my heart about getting rid of the TV.
  
2. The next session was combined. This one was titled "Keeping Our Children's Hearts".
• It is not normal for children to rebel if we have their hearts.
• The more our goals for our children differ from the direction of the world, the more we need our children's hearts and the more we need to shelter our children.
• We want our children's hearts so that we can direct their hearts to Jesus.
• Our children will spend time with what or who is most import to them.
• On what do I spend my discretionary time, my children and family, or on something else, such as TV.
• Get rid of the TV.
• If we have our children's hearts, we own the responsibility of how we direct their hearts.
• If I do not feed my children the good things of God, they will feed themselves off of the garbage of the world.
• Sheltering is not isolationism - the shepherd goes out with the sheep. Sheltering is avoiding negative influences and directing towards positive influences.
• Don't wait until someone or something steals our children's hearts. Be vigilant and proactive in protecting and keeping their hearts.
• A little bit of sin is not acceptable.
• Evaluate influences. What will this do to our child's heart? How will it affect our biblical goals (vision) for them? What appetites will it develop?
• By the end of this session, I knew that I wanted to do whatever was necessary to capture my children's hearts. I want to point them to Christ. I was also fairly certain that the TV would have to go.
  
3. Lunch. The church hosting the conference had graciously prepared lunch for everyone (the conference was free).
4. The final two sessions were segregated between men and women. This one for the guys was "Manager of His Home".
• My wife is there to help me accomplish what God has called me to do.
• Am I grateful for my wife and the help she provides me?
• I am the head of my wife and the home.
• The head discerns God's calling and sets the vision accordingly.
• The head seeks his wife's counsel.
• The home is rudderless without the head.
• If my wife has weak areas, then it is my responsibility to come alongside and build her up.
• It is my responsibility to help her reach greater productivity. I must help her succeed.
• I am the protector. I should expect to take arrows for her.
  
• I am the loving husband. I need to be sensitive to her needs.
• I am the Cleanser. I am to use the Word to cleanse the family, to bath them in the truth.
• I am the Cherisher. I need to lavish on my wife the care she needs.
• As a result of this session, I was convicted that I need to love my wife better, to help her with the household chores, and intentionally encourage my wife's spiritual growth.
  
5. The last session was "Preparing Sons to Provide for a Single-income Family".
• By this time, I was really looking forward to this session. As I had been thinking of goals for my kids, on the practical side, I knew that I wanted to train my sons to be able to think and to use their hands. To give them computer skills and teach them how to swing a hammer. This session was in line with what I was thinking.
• What do you want your sons to have? Broccoli or candy? Learn to work or to be entertained?
• Sons need to be trained up in a Godly work ethic, there's no magic switch when they become men.
• Men were created to work.
• I need to train up my sons to be men of God first, while working diligently on skills.
• Income should exceed spending. Teach them to be debt-free (sounds like Dave Ramsey).
• The income issue should not be measured in the world's terms but in God's terms. The real issue is being in the will of God. If we are doing God's will, His calling for our lives, He will provide what we need.
• Feed good appetites and starve bad ones before they become passions.
• Get rid of the TV. OK, God, I'm getting the message.
• There's no comparison with investing in people's lives.
• Get the boys involved in ministry and serving.
• Cultivate Godly appetites. The desire to raise Godly seed. The desire to share Christ. The desire to serve. The desire to give.
• Steve had points for different age groups that I won't go into. If you are interested, this session is in a book. I bought it and am looking forward to reading it.
• At the end of this session, I was excited about training up my sons. I also thought about my own skills development for future job opportunities. And I was certain God wanted the TV to go.

The conference was very good. It did not really teach me anything about the practical aspects of homeschooling our kids. God did use it to remind me of my responsibilities and to call Stephanie and I to a higher level of Christian living.

Yes, the TV is now gone, but it wasn't easy. It was wasting too much time and bringing in attitudes and content that did not line up with our vision for our family - to be a family that puts God first. On leaving the conference I knew that the TV had to go. God was asking me to give it up for the good of my family. Excuses had been popping up in my mind, such as the investment in videos and DVDs that would be mostly useless once the TV was gone (though there is still the laptop and the portable DVD player).

The last couple of weekends I have been working through the Lord of the Rings movies. I only had the "Return of the King" to go. So Saturday evening, after the children were in bed, I sat down to watch the "Return of the King", the last thing I would watch on the TV. Toward the end of the movie, the reality of what I was about to do began to dawn on me. And I really began to struggle with the decision.

• The new season of shows was about to start. I was looking forward to seeing new episodes for favorite shows, such as Heroes and Lost, and watching some new shows that looked like they might be good, such as Chuck, Journeyman, and the Bionic Woman.
  
• For years I have been dreaming of having a big screen TV and a surround sound system. They just had never been high enough on the family priority list to get purchased. But I still had my dream and every few months I would go and check on line for what TVs were currently out and what receivers and speaker packages were available.
• Recently, because it was much more affordable and it looks like so much fun, I have been saving my birthday money and allowance (Yes, I get an allowance. We are on a budget, so fun money for mom and dad is budgeted too.) so that I could buy a Wii. I am within about a month of being able to buy one.

So I was really struggling with actually carrying out what I was feeling led to do. Maybe we could just unplug it? Or maybe just set stricter controls on when and how it is used? Maybe we disconnect the antenna so we can only display "approved" content? All manner of excuses came to mind.

At the very end of the "Return of the King", there is a scene where Sam returns home from escorting Bilbo and Frodo to the Grey Havens. As he walks up to his house, his daughter runs out and throws herself into his arms. That scene usually brings a tear or two to my eyes, but that night there were more than a few, as I realized how much I loved my children and wanted to protect them from negative influences and raise them up to be Godly.

I shut the movie off and got down on my knees. I spent some time before the Lord, wrestling with my flesh and surrendering the TV and the dreams and plans I had that went around that (big screen, surround sound, Wii). It was tough and many a tear were shed. Which only proved to me even more the necessity of giving up the TV. It was too much "My precious" (to blatantly steal a line from the Lord of the Rings) . After I surrendered, I felt God's peace settle on me.

Sunday afternoon, I disconnected the TV, the DVD player, and the antenna. They now sit on the floor in my basement, waiting for us to find a new owner for them or a trip to the Salvation Army.

People are going to think we are weird. The Scriptures warn us that the world will not understand the ways of God. In a conversation today at work, I mentioned that we had gotten rid of the TV. This led to a couple of other conversations during the day about this, as the news of my family's decision was told. There were many questions and shaking of the heads, as well as some who claimed to understand but wouldn't do it themselves.

As I end this, I am humbled by the experience. Isn't that the way it usually is, when God works in our lives? For me it is. I awed and humbled at the way He works and the fact that He chooses to work in me. And I am so grateful that He has. I don't miss the TV, at least not yet. I'm very excited to see where God leads us next, what plans He has for me and my family. It only gets better from here.